It seems that this topic of not rushing keeps finding it’s way into my line of sight; I keep seeing others tackle this, we’ve talked about it in Bible study and I’m ready to tackle it myself. I’m going to share 4 reasons why I think there isn’t a rush to get married.
I of course want to get married; I’m in a very happy relationship and he is absolutely the one but I’m also not in a rush to head to the alter. A little background on our relationship; we attended the same middle school and high school, became friends in high school, dated/talked for 2 years while we were both in college and then the summer going into our junior year we decided to make it official. The rest is history and it will be almost 5 years this May. Very exciting. With all of that said at almost 5 years I can honestly say as bad as I want to be married; I’m not ready. Based on the discussions I’ve had with others and with him I will share why it’s okay to wait.
4 Things to Acknowledge before you Get Married
1. Friendship = Foundation
When you build a house you need a foundation so it can withstand the trials and tribulations that come with time. This is the same with a relationship. Being friends first is so important because during that time of getting to know each other you can see your friend for exactly who they are. Now I’m not talking about people who have done you wrong and were fake or anything of that nature but think of all of your good friendships; they didn’t happen in 1 day especially if they have held up over time. It is important to have a strong foundation because if and when you decide to take it to the next level you aren’t expecting your friend to be anything else but who they are and who you know them as. Often people enter into relationships with no knowledge of who they are really dating and then try to change that person along the way. If you spend time getting to know who someone is from the beginning, there is no room for “trying to change” because you can make a decision ahead of time if this person is right for you based on actions and things that have taken place during your friendship. You start with the foundation and then build up on the house; not build the house and hope it can hold on. Your significant other should truly be your best friend.
2. What’s the Rush on Forever?
If you’re planning on spending the rest of your life with someone what is the rush on forever; a few more days or months won’t hurt right? You’ll be with them anyway. Some have argued that well if you’re planning on forever why wait? A wedding is a celebration it is a great thing to have and a wonderful thing to share with friends and family but I feel that people sometimes live for the wedding event instead of the marriage once the day is over. I want a nice wedding but more importantly I want a strong and stable marriage. When the party is over are you really happy and really content? Is your foundation strong enough to hold you both together through the wind, rain, tornadoes and other disasters that may approach?
3. Plan A: Marriage, Plan B: Divorce?
Now before I go here, I want to be clear about my point and intent; I’m not saying people should not get divorced if they so feel that their relationship does not work for them. For myself and my boyfriend divorce is not an option; it’s not even a thought that I’m thinking about as I continue on in this relationship. Often times people go into a marriage with divorce in the back of their mind; it almost leaves room for it to be an option. The moment it is an option and the moment something doesn’t go your way or the way of your significant other it is means for divorce. What happened to working it out? Till death do us part? This all goes back to friendship and foundation; no relationship is perfect no matter how it looks to the eye but long lasting marriages include communication and understanding that my spouse may not always agree with me or always be on the same page with me BUT what are my plans to work through those moments? Pulling the plug should be, if it must be, the very last resort, and I mean very last resort. Divorce is far more messier than an occasional argument. Did you all know there is Divorce insurance in case you signed a Prenup? The fact that there is a business for that just goes to show how many people are divorcing in our country.
4. Finances
Lastly I’m going to briefly touch on finances. Money makes the world go around as much as we like to think it doesn’t. Don’t rush and break your bank just to make others happy. Yay we had such a glamorous wedding day, but now we’re broke. A wedding event is 1 day, a marriage should lasts forever. I purposely decided to focus on the engagement/proposal aspect of the relationship because I think couples should really take the time to enjoy their engagement and carefully communicate all of the aspects before rushing to the alter. I’m not saying that if you’re ready you should hold off but there is no harm in a little extra time. The wedding is for you but weddings are really for other people. If you start off with a bad financial foundation where do you think the rest of the marriage will go? Communication is very important in any relationship and if it makes you uncomfortable to discuss these things or your partner never wants to tackle it that could be a red flag. Take your time; yes life is short but rushing into an unhappy unhealthy situation that could put you farther into a financial bind is far worst then waiting another year to get married.
GoldLabl 